I'm still learning my own patterns. The deepest parts of winter, it seems, are quiet parts for me. Caves. Early nights. Not sure where the sky ends or where the ground begins. Not alone or lonely. Not making or consuming. No fires or bright lights. A little water, dry snacks, rest. No distress, just quiet. Maybe it takes a couple months of lengthening days. Maybe I thaw with the sap. Whatever it is, I'm here. Still here. Grounded and emerging. Squinting in the light.

I'm still learning my own patterns. The deepest parts of winter, it seems, are quiet parts for me. Caves. Early nights. Not sure where the sky ends or where the ground begins. Not alone or lonely. Not making or consuming. No fires or bright lights. A little water, dry snacks, rest. No distress, just quiet. Maybe it takes a couple months of lengthening days. Maybe I thaw with the sap. Whatever it is, I'm here. Still here. Grounded and emerging. Squinting in the light.
I'm still learning my own patterns. The deepest parts of winter, it seems, are quiet parts for me. Caves. Early nights. Not sure where the sky ends or where the ground begins. Not alone or lonely. Not making or consuming. No fires or bright lights. A little water, dry snacks, rest. No distress, just quiet. Maybe it takes a couple months of lengthening days. Maybe I thaw with the sap. Whatever it is, I'm here. Still here. Grounded and emerging. Squinting in the light.

big big love

"my love for you is greater than the whole universe... It's always expanding" -Rhys the tender-hearted, age 7.5
“my love for you is greater than the whole universe… It’s always expanding” -Rhys the tender-hearted, age 7.5

Today’s Rhys-ism: I love you like a circle that never ends.

When he was just a few years old, he would tell me, “I love you more than chocolate chips.” And this kid really loves chocolate chips. Lately he has wanted to learn about space, planets, and the universe. And he continues to grapple with how to hold the vastness of connection.

And yet, he also really questions the concept of never-ending, always=present, unconditional love. How can you love someone when you’re mad at them? You don’t love me when you yell. You just can’t love someone ALLLLL the time. We get into these questions and ponderings a little more each time. I am here for the questions, that’s for sure.

flip flop firm flat.

A year ago, my body was recovering and I was becoming a version of myself that waited many years to be realized. The change was not without cost and it’s not perfect and yet, every single day I am grateful for what top surgery has given me. As I tried to write about this, I am sensing that there is much left to say about the topic. In the meantime, i have made this little zine.