Provided cakes for a writing group’s last meeting of the semester. Chocolate cake (in my unending quest for the perfect gf chocolate cake) and an orange citron cake. Because booze in cake is hard to do badly.
Sometimes I do not miss him.
I think it is important to note this too.
I have felt guilty at times- here I am mourning someone who did not die young or suddenly, who had a wonderful life and a happy home, who we knew would eventually die. Sometimes I felt badly when we left to go camping for a few days or spend a weekend in Chicago. Somehow I did not feel bad when I was cleaning up messes or counting pills, or waking up early to make breakfast or canceling plans to meet with the Hospice nurse.
Tonight, the kitchen is a mess from baking and the living room is cluttered with toys.
When I walked through, I suddenly thought, “quickly, clean up those toys; Grandpa’s walker won’t get through.”
It has been months since I had to think about his walker.
The house can be a little messy and I can leave the dishes until morning if I’m too tired. I can make a vegetable-heavy meal and not think of a meat + potatoes alternative. In fact if I’m not back by dinnertime, that’s okay too.
I made this pumpkin roll tonight and it would not have been one of my Grandpa’s favorites. And that is okay too. I am leaving the dishes until morning and trying my best not to feel guilty about the times when I don’t miss this last year and all the responsibilities that came along with it.
I’m a bit behind in my cakes for this month but I thought I’d share this throw back in honor of Ry’s birthday. He is more of a birthday pecan pie kind of guy but look at this cake!
Ry’s mom always made the kids such adorable cakes. Seriously, look at her cake game. Oh and that smile! Squeeee.
Thirty-ish years later we are in Arizona on Ry’s birthday and it may be a birthday wine kind of year.
So happiest birthday wishes and fear not, cake baking will resume soon. The lineup for the next six weeks should be pretty solid.
Recipe testing another carrot cake. This one is gluten free and vegan.
My grandma (who would have been 94 today) loved carrot cake. I think she figured the veg made it healthier. I’m pretty sure the sugar cancels that out.
The cake itself was tasty. I appreciate how carrot helps give a cake body and texture.
The vegan cream “cheeze” frosting was a bit runny so I’ll work on figuring out a better thickening.
Instead of repeating the last cake I thought that I would try a different apple cake. It tasted … Gluten free. And that’s not a good thing.
